Tell Your Boss 'NO' w/o Getting Fired!

Being a PeaceWalker and walking your path of being a Protector doesn't begin and end w/physical threats...

Oh no! It includes that, but there is so much more...

Knowing how to draw boundaries and deal with conflict at all levels are important skills to have. Skills you will use every day of your Life!

HERE'S AN EXAMPLE from my Corporate America days...

Years ago, the company I work for hired a new sales manager who was busting everyone's balls with meetings, projections and reports. To the tune of 15 to 20 hours per week (wasted) between conference rooms and on the computer...

My normally 50+ hour weeks, quickly turned into 70+. I started coming in on the weekend to catch up, so I wasn't so buried during the week.

It was out of hand...

Finally, after a few months of this, everyone on the sales force was ready to blow a gasket, so rather than continue complaining and bellyaching, I decided to talk to the owner of the company about it.

I was able to say NO to the extra work, not get fired, reduce my workweek back down to being reasonable and get my Life back!

Here's How I Did It...

Communicating Boundaries...

With situations such as these, where you are trying to create a situation that is amicable for everyone, you have to be able to communicate in a way that is diplomatic, firm. yet holds benefit for all parties.

...Tough...

I didn't want to quit, but knew if things didn't change I'd be looking around more seriously.

FIRST RULE: Don't get emotional... Keep your Baseline.

SECOND RULE: Don't force or threaten, rather give options and 'If/Then' scenarios... And have your 'Plan B' ready!

THIRD RULE: Clearly Communicate. (In this Case) a Win/Win scenario.

  

Setting the Stage...

When you can, you want to 'Set the Stage' in your favor...

In this situation I first set it up by asking the owner what he thought a 'reasonable' work week was.

(Make sure to get good intel... Being that I worked there for a number of years, I  KNEW what he'd say)

He replied the way I knew he would... 45 to 50 hours/per week for a sales rep.

I reflected back that I thought that was reasonable too, both for sales performance and overall Life balance.

I then asked him if he realized that the sales team on average were now spending 10 to 15 hours per week in meetings and another 5 to 10 hours per week on all these new documentation and reports that were required of us.

I communicated that I understood some meetings, reports and projections were necessary, but things have gotten out of hand. But wouldn't it be more productive spending that time out in the field getting new clients, servicing current clients or gaining back old customers?

He agreed...

The 'DePrioritization' Method

That opened up the next part of my strategy...

'So, what would you like me to de-prioritize in my work schedule in order to fit in these extra meetings and reports?

(At that time I was the top sales person of the firm... and had been for several years.)

Although he knew the trade off I was referring to, I said it anyway, so that we were both on the same page...

"Do you want more Sales or more Meetings?"

He choose Sales and although it didn't happen overnight, the entire sales force got their Lives back by a reduction in mandatory meetings and reports.

Life was good again for a while...

Now It's Your Turn...

Can you take this method of communicating boundaries, adapt it to use in your own Life and circumstance?

If not, you may want to check out the PeaceWalker Conflict Communication Program available as part of the Private PeaceWalker Membership. It'll be opening up to new members again in the next few weeks!

More than Just Kicking A$$

Remember, being a Protector and Living the Life of a PeaceWalker takes more than just carrying your pistol, training martial arts or wearing a uniform...

The REAL bad 'mofo's' are the one's who are confident dealing with conflict at all levels!

And that my friends all begins with...

YES... YES... You guessed it!!

(I've only said it a thousand times before)

Having the right Mindset!

Want tips, tricks and tactics about having that right mindset as a protector?! Subscribe to my [Almost] Daily email and get my FREE 'Street Smart' Guide to Self Defense! www.peacewalkersubscribe.com

Keep going,

~Craig

Self Defense in a War Zone!

I had an interesting conversation last night.

I'm not sure exactly how we got on the subject, but I was sharing stories of some of the guys I've done work with either in security, training or teaching.

In this industry, it's common to run into soldiers, contractors or vet who seen some combat.

First of all, I want to get one thing straight, regardless if I agree w/their approach, I appreciate their service to this country and I respect the experience that they had during their tour(s) of duty...

But, some of perspective these guys are bringing to the civilian and law enforcement communities have to be filtered, because not all of their ideals or tactics are suited for anything outside of a war zone...

Some of the perspectives and ethics could be even be considered questionable in those areas.

Don't Misunderstand...

Don't miss understand, we can learn tons of useful things from soldiers, ex-soldiers, contractors and vets...

However, don't forget that environment, circumstance and context matter...

BIG TIME!

It's easy to get into the training mindset that in order to protect yourself, it's 'all out war' so to speak...

But don't forget that if you are a civilian, law enforcement, first responder, or some type of private security, sh*t's going to go down differently that it will if you are serving over in Afghanistan, Iraq or any other war zone...

You need different skill sets for the types of conflict and (most) types of violence you run up against in the Social and Urban environment of the cities and suburbs where YOU LIVE...

~ Workplace, school, home.

~ Planes, Trains & automobiles.

~ Parking lots, restaurants, concerts & other public places.

Yes, it is possible that you may have a room clear in there on a really bad and rare, day. Maybe (a BIG Maybe) you win the lotto in reverse and are a part of some type of active assailant or terrorist incident.

Regardless, the way you would engage and handle even these types of situations as a civilian (especially unarmed) will vary (greatly) from how a soldier or spec ops team would approach it.

Urban Warfare v. Just Urban

The point isn't to put down or diminish the training that comes from soldiers or LEO's, it's just to help you PeaceWalkers understand that just because it's proven in a "War Zone" it doesn't mean that it's always best suited for use for your every circumstance...

I encourage you to go out and get training for the more extreme incidents...

But, don't neglect or ignore training in the situations you are much more likely to run up against in your life.

Not to mention these are situations that often escalate into, could be prevented by or are red flags to those bigger circumstances as well.

You have to make sure that you are training for the types of situations that YOU are more likely to run into in the environment of your real world!

Most are going to be social and deal with attitude, awareness and communication skills. Probably w/o the usage of a weapon...

Things like:

~ Deescalating an argument

~ Handling a road rager

~ Basic 'Street Smarts' & not looking like an easy target

~ An employee gets belligerent & all worked up (but NOT an Active Shooter)

~ Someone who doesn't take NO for an answer

~ A rude (but not violent) drunk

~ Someone bullying you or your wife at work

~ Someone bullying your kid at school

~ Someone's following you or your daughter

Maybe Things Do Get Physical:

~ You breaking up a fight (Teacher! Parent! Family!)

~ You get mugged

~ Some assaults you or your wife

~ You have to escort someone out of your workplace, home or school

I have watched us as a society get very focused on Active Shooting, Terrorist and other More Extreme (but rarer) incidents...

Yes, of course train how to deal with those things!

But for heavens sake, don't neglect the training necessary to effectively handle the (way) more common types of conflicts and violence that can easily escalated into a lethal encounter!

Develop a well rounded skill set and spend the most amount of time and resources on those things most likely to occur.

If you are a soldier and actually live out in an War Zone, your training should reflect it...

HOWEVER, if you are a civilian living in a city or suburb, with a family, working a regular job, than train in those things that fit your situation...

Real Defense for Real People Begins with the Right Mindset!

Speaking of...

Click HERE to subscribe to my [Almost] Daily email where I'll share tips, tricks & tactics on having the right mindset for being a protector! 

Keep going,

~Craig

Gallows Humor

This post could be seen as a bit of a follow up on my post about the Golden Globe Award monologue... 

Click HERE if you haven't read it yet!

Many folk that I know who have spent any time dealing w/people in crisis, be it medical emergencies (physical & mental), criminal behavior, security, military service, tough parenting, (bartending even) just to name a few...

You know, situations where there's potential for some serious sh*t to happen... Things like consequences and stuff we really, really don't want to happen physically, emotionally, socially, financially, you name it. Situations that are dire, when things are really on the line or feel like it.

The more the drama, conflict and violence we have to manage, the more we need to somehow find a way to deal emotionally with those circumstances (In the moment, before and after).

We have many ways of dealing...

Some healthy... others, not so much.

One way many of us deal is by having 'Gallows Humor'.

_______________

gal·lows hu·mor

_______________

/ˈɡalōz ˈ(h)yo͞omər/

noun

Grim and ironic humor in a desperate or hopeless situation.

The darker and more serious the situation, the darker the humor can get...

However there are two (of many) things that can get in the way...

Modern Culture

  

A coroner's job is easy:

Every death is 'natural causes'...

"He was stabbed 15 times in the neck so, naturally, he died."

   _______________________________________________

Two coroners cracking jokes about their last 'client' wouldn't be appropriate around the person's family...

And I'm sure no professional would share their humor in that context...

ENTER OUR MODERN WORLD....

Now in today's day and age where we have more social / professional transparency than ever...

And as for boundaries on a personal and professional level!?!

Forget about it...

To say there is a lack would be an understatement.

This has resulted into some pretty substantial problems...

Now due to our interconnectiveness of the internet, people who aren't your friends (professional or not) are ALL seeing, hearing and reading your comments, jokes, pictures, videos, you name it.

Our personal & professional lives are on display & out in the open for all to see, which has repercussions both good and bad.

That comment that you might say, the smart a$$ remark you'd retort or off color joke you'd crack might be fine around you, your friends and colleagues.

HOWEVER...

They are not the only ones hearing those things now... EVERYONE is! =(

I don't know if this has contributed to our current oversensitivity, lack of tolerance, political correctness and loss of resiliency to pretty much everything, but it surely isn't helping!

Dark humor, irony and sarcasm have pretty much become illegal now-a-days. Being an a$$ hole has gotten to the point of being a federal offense.

I'm not advocating that anyone should be one, only that it shouldn't be illegal. It's one of the hidden costs of freedom.

With the state of the current affairs, it's a wonder I haven't been deported yet due to my disposition! =D

This is one of the reason's I'm not a huge advocate or participant of social media, be it fb, youtube, twitter or the like...

It's unbelievable what's going on out 'there'...

People getting fired, sued, even indited over tweets, posts and pics!

Part is the environment we're living in...

But, I have to be honest here...

You may or may not agree, but, some people are their own worse enemy!

STOP SHARING ALL YOUR SH8 ON LINE!!

Most of the stuff I'd lean over and say to my partner or friend would've gotten me in trouble 25 years ago if someone would've heard it, let alone plastering all over public networks of thousands (or more!) people... Most of whom you don't really even know...

Over sharing opinions, comments and things meant as jokes leaves room for things to be taken out of context or overheard by people who simply don't 'get' or agree w/those type of comments.

We all know that the squeaky wheel gets the grease so to speak, and it's easier than ever for these folks to share their feelings of being offended, appalled, disrespected or discriminated against... whatever.

And some of these folks aren't only sharing on line, some are taking organizational and legal action!

It's a problem!

We all have our own public reality shows now!

Congratulations you're a star! 

Which comes w/the good, bad and ugly being in the public eye, even if you didn't invite or want it!

Dark(er) Side of the Humor

Now, I believe that much of this type of humor and outlook comes from good people either who are dealing with a circumstance and/or (like me) they are just wired that way...

However, we do have to be careful because if out of balance, this type of humor and perspective can be thinly veiled indicators to true unhealthy behavior and in certain circumstances professional practices.

Also, if left unchecked, it can be the beginning to the slippery slope of desensitizing and dehumanizing people and situations...

We have to be careful not to have this type of perspective and humor build walls around our emotions, compassion and empathy that are essential for our relationships, jobs and lives.

Once again my brothers and sisters in arms...

It's a delicate balance.

Soap Boxes & Rabbit Holes

I didn't intend for this email to turn into such a rabbit hole...

However it is a good subject to talk about because it is an issue today!

No real solutions on this post, just a discussion... I do have some suggestions, but will save them for another time.

If you track at all with this, you might be interested in my [almost] Daily email subscription, complete w/a FREE 'Street Smart' Survival Guidebook that comes directly out of the PeaceWalker Protector System available only through my Exclusive $97/month Coaching Membership.

Here's the link to pick up your FREE Survival Guide & Start Getting My [almost] Daily tips!

https://peacewalkersubscribe.com/optin21312191

Talk to you later.

Keep going,

~Craig

3 Lessons From Ricky Gervais's Golden Globe Speech

If I were to say that I never watched the Golden Globe Awards that would be an understatement...

Well, I guess, now I'd be lying, because I just caught Ricky Gervais' Golden Globe Opening Speech and...

OMG!

I'm sure what I have to say will end up losing us some of our subscribers, but...

Ah f-k it!

Ricky's speech was FUNNY!

If you haven't heard it yet...

STOP RIGHT NOW!!!

Google it, watch it and then come back to read this post!

His humor a bit more up my alley than most of what we've been hearing the last several years now...

I can only hope that we might be getting our sense of humor back a little bit...

It's not about being raunchy... it's about not taking ourselves (and everything) so seriously.

It's tiring walking on egg shells all the time, since everyone is so offended about everything and anything now-a-days.

Everyone's feeling the stress, whether or not they even realize it!

It's exhausting!

Then theirs the hypocrisy of folks who tirelessly get on their political/agenda ridden soap boxes...

And I'm not just talking about the stars... But pretty much all of us out there on social media (& obviously if you're reading this, that statement would include yours truly as well)! =D

All that aside Ricky's speech can teach us a lot about defensive tactics and being a PeaceWalker!

NO! I'm am not just messing w/you... It really can!

And Here's How...

3 Things PeaceWalkers' Can Learn from Ricky Gervias's Golden Globe Speech:

1) Keep Your Sense of Humor: Life can be crazy & the people in it even crazier. Yes, real conflict and violence is serious business, but if you don't keep a sense of humor, you'll be less effective and headed for a mental health emergency in the long run!

*Spoiler Alert* No one's getting out of this Sh*t Show Alive... Yes, there is a lot of bad stuff going on out there, good people suffering, people doing evil things, puppies dying and the like...

But, we can't control it all! We have to learn to simply do the best we can w/what we have, be able to let go of what we cannot control. Don't let the bad stuff rob you of the joy of the good things in Life...

Follow the words my Grandma Lived by...

"For God's Sake... Stop Taking yourself So Seriously!"

There's a lot more to Life than all this doom and gloom! It can consume you if you're not careful!

2) Not Everyone will 'Get It': If you look at the faces of some of those celebs at that event listening to Ricky's speech, it was clear that not everyone was 'tracking' with him and his jokes. The same holds true when you're a PeaceWalker...

Yes, we are ALL Protectors, but not everyone 'Gets It' when it comes to protecting the right things. The 'Mush Balls' out there think its just about being nicer to people... It's not.

The 'Hard Chargers' don't quite have it either though! The answer isn't 'kill'em all and let God sort them out'!

It's a balance folks!

So, although EVERYONE's Capable of being a PeaceWalker... Not everyone get's it... Or get's you for that matter!

It's ok... Be Clear, Confident, have Skills and Keep Going!

3) You Have to Have Hutzpah (that's balls, cahonas (or cahon-ettes), you know, guts...): I don't think anyone would argue that Ricky had to have 'a pair' to stand up there and tell those jokes... Not to mention in the company of that audience! He has Hutzpah! And you're going to need some too if you want to be a PeaceWalker! Now there can be a fine line between guts and just being an arrogant, selfish blow hard...  It's a balance, but one worth learning! Because not only do you need to have Hutszpah to be a Tough Target and all around bad a$$ Protector, you need it to Live a Better Life too! Living the Life of a doormat is no way to Live. It actually paves the way to more conflict and violence!

Did I mention having a Healthy Balance!?

I believe I did...

I know it's a subjective statement.. but since you are a part of this community you either already get it... or keep reading... you will! =)

Keep going,

~Craig

Click here to subscribe to my [Almost] Daily email: www.peacewalkersubscribe.com

How the Grinch 'Schooled' Whoville

We're at the end of the holi-daze!

That's the two-ish weeks surrounding Christmas and New Year where work schedules, social events, family stuff and other holiday type festivities intersect with our regular schedules, resulting in a strange 'twilight zone' type feeling, where we aren't quite sure where or when we are in the time/space continuum. Past, present & future meld together with work, family and friends.

How the Grinch 'Schooled' Whoville

Yes, the Grinch can be a crotchety, termite-infested soul with a heart two sizes too small...

However, there are a lot of beneficial things we can learn from him as well...

Especially as it comes to defensive tactics!

Check out what we can learn from how he totally "SCHOOLED" Whoville:

1. Tactical Thinking

Coming up with all those successfully elaborate plans on the spot -- especially when under that kind of pressure -- is a pretty handy skill to have in ye olde self defense "tool box."

2. Leadership Abilities

Even from an isolated position on top of his mountain headquarters, he was able to motivate a small team to carry out a covert night mission against a force much greater in numbers and resources.

3. Ability to Act

While it's true the Grinch is being a jerk when he cleans out Whoville, it's hard not to admire his ability to pull off his plan (in one night!).

(We have to also give some credit to Max who pulled the sled...)

4. Problem Solving Abilities

Through the Grinch's ability to improvise, adapt and overcome, he was able to get out of numerous tight spots, from acquiring adequate transportation, to employing an effective disguise to infiltrate Whoville...

And lets not forget, when he was caught mid-operation by Cindy Lou Who, he employed his verbal communication abilities to resolve the situation without incident or violence.

Feats like this prove the Grinch is capable of all kinds of creativity and problem-solving feats and miracles.

And, some pretty clever ones at that...

Who knows... Maybe he was in the Marine Corps?! =)

5. Diplomacy

Yes, the Grinch STOLE Christmas -- looting an entire town of tens of thousands of smackeroos worth of gifts, presents and food (he even took the last can of Who Hash!).

Yet, somehow he was still able to make up for it and he was even given the honor of carving the roast beast!

Wow, talk about diplomacy skills!

(He could have a career in politics...)

These aren't the ONLY LESSONS...

Here are 2 Bonus Lessons from our Grumpy Green Friend to fill your holiday stocking up with...

(1) Always remember that there are admirable qualities even in people we don't like and who are doing dastardly deeds! They're still human, with the Good, the Bad & the Ugly coursing through their souls, just like us.

AND MAYBE THE BIGGEST LESSON IS...

(2) It's easier for everyone to make better choices (and yes, maybe even change), when we separate people's Life Value from their beliefs & behavior... (yep, even the disrespectful, illegal, even dangerous stuff...)

OK, that's it for today.

I hope you had a Merry Christmas... And are getting the most out of your Holi-Daze time!

REMEMBER>>>>>

If you want to learn how to better protect yourself (& others too!) and gain a new sense of confidence knowing that you can deal with the spectrum of conflict & violence that life sometimes throws at you...

Here's your chance!

Learn the entire PeaceWalker Approach one email at a time by signing up for my FREE [Almost] Daily email... www.peacewalkersubscribe.com

And as always...

Keep going,

~Craig

The Strangest Holiday Advice (That's Good Year Round!)

So, I was getting some last minute gift wrapping and merriment done when I heard a knock at my door...

Now...

I Know It's Christmas Eve...

... and you probably want to get the rest of your wrapping and stuff done so you can get to bed at a decent time, but I HAVE to tell you about this crazy little guy who showed up at my door.

He was short, about 4 feet tall.

He also had weird shoes that curled at the toe.

And even more weird, he had pointy ears.

I asked him who he was and he said he was a messenger from Santa!

Apparently, Santa is getting older and slower, and he's a bit concerned about his safety when he delivers those pieces of coal to those folks on the naughty list tonight!

He is worried about being able to handle himself if he is confronted by some of these folks who may be a bit worked up, emotional... even violent!

He wants to make sure he has the tools to deal with the type of conflicts that he's likely to run up against tonight!

He doesn't want to burn any bridges w/people, but he doesn't want things to get more ramped up... or *gulp* violent!

Santa knows how this time of year can be really stressful for people!

He said he wanted to know how to have the confidence and skill to be able to deescalate a situation AND know what to do if things get 'carried away'.

Good Ole Santa wanted to know how to handle 'Mr. Naughty List' (Jacked up on a bit too much eggnog and brownies)!

So the big guy in red wanted my advice.

Can you believe that?

So here's what I told this messenger to tell Santa:

When it comes to trying to deal with conflict in a social setting, here are 7 guidelines to surviving those moments that the holidays often bring:

(1) Work toward Most Good / Least Harm For Everyone. (You can call it 'Christmas Cheer or Holiday Spirit' ...Goodwill toward mankind... Whatever...)

(2) Know that you can’t change peoples behavior only yours. (It's their own actions that put them on the naughty list...)

(3) Set the Pace. (Take the high road and lead by example!)

(4) Teach People how to treat you & act in your presence.

(5) Set clear Boundaries w/yourself & others.

 

(6) Know your deal breaker in every circumstance! (When it's time to shut up or just leave!)

(7) Have a Simple Plan if your boundaries are not respected. (Exit Strategy)

Let's face it...

There's a reason we only see some of these folks once a year!

...But you still don't want to make a scene or get on your mom's bad side by going all 'Krav Maga' on your brother-in-law or cousin because he wants to keep talking politics or bringing up that time you streaked naked down the street when you were 8 years old! =)

Anyway, so that's that.

This is the plan I have for Santa.

He said he's looking forward to joining the Private PeaceWalker Membership when it opens up again to new members in early 2020!

(You can get on the waiting list here: https://peacewalker.net/about)

I told him good luck tonight and I'll keep him in the loop about the membership.

As for you my friend...

I'm wishing you and those you love a GREAT holiday season...

Merry Christmas!

Happy Hanuka!

Festivus for the Rest of Us!!

Thanks for being part of my journey in 2019 and here's to an even more exciting and prosperous 2020!

I'll talk to you soon!

Warm wishes,

~Craig

Converting Anxiety to Action!

As promised, the last part of the 'Lessons from a Frogman' is a good one!

Let's first quickly recap:

These tips came from a conversation during a recent Active Response Training Seminar that I was teaching. Joe, who was there, is a retired Nave SEAL. He contributed to class with a few really good conversations and tips.

Those tips have been the topic of our last several emails.

Mental Rehearsal and Mental Scripting were the last two subjects we talked about.

Now we're going to wrap it up with...

ANXIETY CONVERSION!

What is it and why is it so important?

Here's what Joe had to say about that:

Now there is one more thing that should be taught to our Warriors and that is Anxiety Conversion. This helps combat ESR (Extreme Stress Reaction).

When we are at a high level of anxiety that is negative, research shows that shifting from anxiety, a negative state of high arousal, to calm, a positive state of low arousal, is both extremely difficult and counterproductive.

It's difficult because anxiety has a powerful momentum of arousal. It shifts our heart rate, our breathing rate, and activates the release of hormones designed to keep us vigilant, alert, and awake.

It's important to stay calm, but still be at a high level of arousal for action.

We need to shift from Anxiety (negative) to Excitement (Positive), it is all mindset and how you perceive it,

"I get to kick some Ass vs. I'm going to get my Ass kicked."

Bruce Lee said it best,

"When you find yourself in a room surrounded by your enemies you should tell yourself "I am not locked in here with you, you are locked in here with me." This is the kind of mindset you should have if you want to succeed in life. Get rid of that victim mentality."
 

Tactical Grounding

Joe's perspective was well received and spot on (as if you needed me to validate that!).

In the next email I'll give you a quick 3 step process that aligns your body and breath behind Joe's mental conversion to effectively 'reset' your anxiety from 'Whoa' to 'GO!'

More From the Frogman...

If you would like to hear Joe's entire Protector Summit Interview along with other U.S. & Israeli Military Vets about how to better protect yourself, your family and community better, then click below for details.

www.protectorsummitpass.com

That's all for now.

Talk to you soon.

Keep Going,

~Craig