Monday, October 22, 2018

Dealing With Non-Compliant People




Let me be clear, this is ONE WAY to deal with someone who is not doing as you asked...

It is NOT THE ONLY WAY... It is simply one way...

No, it won't magically make someone succumb to your every request, it is just simply clearly communicating expectations and setting boundaries.

Here's the Process!


When you clearly asked something of someone and they agreed to do what you asked, but didn't:


You:

"Based on what we agreed on, my expectation was (say what was agreed upon)."

"However, what happened was (describe what actually happened)."

"So, the impact was (describe how the situation affected not only that person, but if you can, how those actions [or lack of] affected a bigger picture and/or others)."

"What happened?"

(LISTEN) Then Say:
 
"I hear what you're saying. I've had things happen before too. So, let me get this straight (Ask any questions you need to clarify what they said w/o arguing w/them... once they answer then  say...)"

"So what you are saying is (reflecting back what they told you...), is that right?


At this time you have to determine how to move forward, but if done right, you opened up the conversation in a way that you can address the situation more clearly.

It's important to stay BASELINE (have a cool head, the right tone and intention) when you are talking to this person.

This will make it easier to get to the bottom of things and better understand how to proceed.

I'll be introducing a number of tips, tricks and tactics on conflict communication skills in preparation for our LIVE On-Line Conflict Communications Course coming in January.

In the meantime, have a great day and...


Keep Going,
~Craig

Monday, October 15, 2018

Does More Skill Make You More Ethical?





Does More Skill Make You More Ethical?

I've trained my entire life...

I'm no stranger to violence...

In the ring...

My youth...

My job...

Life...

I've met, learned from and trained the best in the world...

Martial arts... Tactical training... Sport... Military... Law enforcement... Private security... Domestic & overseas...

However, some of the toughest people that I know are some of the nicest...

Those folks who know they can take care of themselves and don't have anything to prove...

I was fortunate, because I was taught this first and foremost by my Dad and Grandpa (on my Mom's side).

Both were strong good male figures who trained me more by what they did than what they said.

Neither were perfect... They had their shortcomings like we all have... But in my eyes they were great men by their own right and their flaws only made them more interesting.

Regardless, I owe so much to them that this post cannot begin to express my gratitude or that feeling of fortunate I was to have these men in my life.

They taught me the difference between right and wrong... They taught me how to stand up for myself and to protect others. Again... Not by what they said as much as what they did.

My dad's father basically was the Marine Corps. He lied about his age to join the service in the late 1950's. He felt compelled to help his family because his father abandoned him, his mom and her other 4 kids, leaving her (my grandma) to support the household alone, at a time when it was looked upon very differently than it is today.

Dad was stationed in Okinawa and the Philippines (Where BTW he trained in both boxing and Karate). He sent money home as he served as an MP during a time of social unrest, when segregation was unraveling.

His Life experiences with his dad and family as well as his time in the Corps forever changed him as a person...

Later after he married my Mom, he and her Dad developed a close relationship. I don't know, because my Dad is a man of few words... But, I believe he found the father he never had in my Grandpa.

My Grandfather never served in the military due to health issues, but he lived an adventurous protector's Life all the same, beginning with both of his parents dying at and early age, forcing him and his brother to make a choice to continue school, or get a factory job to support the family.

My Grandpa graduated from the 8th grade and then went to work to support the family...

Later, after he married my Grandma, when the Great Depression hit, he 'Hoboed' around for 10 years on the trains travelling the country looking for work, so he could send money home to support his family.

When I was a kid he would tell me of his adventures on the trains and all of the crazy jobs he took to earn money...

Some of more interesting jobs were, working as a carnie, where he boxed any takers. The carnival lied about his 'record' saying he was some big boxing champion (he wasn't)... No google back then! =)

You'd pay to fight the "champ," if you won you'd get the pay off, if you lost you lost your money and your pride...

I'm sure there was a fair amount of side betting going on as well, making the stakes even higher.

Funny... I remember him telling me how they rigged the fights...

Not only would they rig the rounds (ringing the bell when the opponent was getting the better of my Grand dad... And letting the round go a bit longer when he was giving the lickin'...)

Sometimes Grandpa said he would sand bag or fake that he was more tired or beat up than he really was to drive up the side betting.

Then...WHAM!

One of the things that they did to further ensure that the odds were in their favor was that they would give the unsuspecting challenger 18oz gloves, whereas Grandpa had 6oz that looked the same as the others...

And the cherry on top were the penny rolls that he held on to inside the gloves to finish the deal.

He had some other interesting jobs flying a crop duster down near the Mexican boarder too... Where he may have been doing more than just crop dusting down there over the Mexican boarder... 

But those are stories for another time...


Nice... But How Does That Relate to Our Subject?!


You may be thinking...

Thanks for the interesting family stories...

But how do they relate to the topic of more skill equaling better ethics?

Well, both my Dad & Grandpa were confident men who knew how to stand up for themselves and had the physical skills and experience to do it.

They also lived lives filled with adversity and consequence, where they chose to sacrifice of themselves to protect their families...

Where did they pick those values up from!? To be honest, I don't know... But, I suppose mentors that they had in their lives...

Regardless... They taught me those same values less by what came out of their mouths and more by how they Lived their Lives.

And... I've been trying to follow their lead for 48 some years now...



Men of Few Words...


My Dad was a man of few words... My Grandpa... not so much... He was a sparkplug...

Regardless, both were men of action where words, however many or few had better be backed up w/action. When either of them said something, they meant it! Which brings us to our Subject and the Communication Tip of the Day...


Don't Say Something You Can't Follow Through With.


If you are tempted to hand out a strong boundary. You know a "Do It Or Else" ultimatum. Don't throw down that Trump Card, unless you're willing and able to deliver on said promise. Empty threats are only as good as someone calling your bluff. Especially if you interact w/that person on a regular basis. Once that person (or people) knows you're blowing smoke and full of hot air, you become a 'paper tiger' and your negotiation leverage is gone, along w/respect and your reputation. 

Which brings us to the skills and being ethical part...

What happens in a debate when the person doesn't have the skill to win the argument, but still wants to have an upper hand?!

That's right, they start 'playing dirty'. Mud slinging, insults, even threats are what typically come next.

It's the same with a physical engagement...

The real dirty tricks come out of desperation. The fear of losing, due to lack of skill, stamina, or superior weapons, tactics, etc.

Business can be the same...

FEAR fuels both (1) Greed (wanting what you want at any cost) and (2) desperation for survival.

When you start down that path of playing dirty or hitting low or "Total War" as a reaction (because you don't have a choice it 'just comes out') rather than a tactic (trained and calculated to be done at the right time for the right reason), it typically leads to ill decisions, regret and the stories we tell ourselves to keep us in the good light of justification...

I did it because...

The more Clear, Skilled and Courageous you are, the easier it is to be ethical. Easier, not to be confused with Easy! There is a lot of weight in the 'ier'! =)

Yes, sometimes people need a good a$$ kicking, but as a last resort, for the right reasons. So, if an ultimatum is necessary and you're the one who is going to be Thor's Hammer, you better be able to...



"Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is..."



Remember...

Living a Protector's LifeStyle is about Living a Better Life! That means you are on a constant journey of personal development... It never ends! 

So, you have to keep developing your Skills. Because, having Clarity about you ethics and finding the space inside of you to be Courageous to do the right thing. Which isn't always the Easy Thing.



All the Best,
~Craig



Get more Tips & Tactics about Living a Protector's Life - Sign up for FREE Newseletter on www.peacewalkersubscribe.com



Sunday, October 7, 2018

Krav Ma... Squirrel!!




All of my weekend social events had me thinking about how much we rely on verbal communication, not only for casual conversation, but also during conflict. It is an intricate part of interacting with others.

Have you ever known someone who can talk their way out of (and into) anything? Someone who has learned to weaponize their words to be persuasive or even deceiving? They can use their words to spin a spell that has a certain control over others.

It's a skill that is largely overlooked not so much in action but in TRAINING!

Most believe that you either 'have it' or don't...

And we both know that some folks seem to have been born with the gift of gab and others struggle...

However, you CAN learn how to do it!

So, in preparation for the LIVE On-Line PeaceWalker Conflict Communication Course coming in January, I wanted to start sharing some methods of using verbal communication as...


Another Facet of Defense

When most people train Krav Maga (or any self defense system), they pretty much just train physically.

Don't get me wrong, I get it... Aside from your kosher-warrior yell, it's not as sexy to add the verbal element to training. It substantially changes the feel of a normal training session...

However...

Real conflict involves talking. So, if you want to really be effective at defending yourself and managing conflict, learning how to control 'Tactical Space' verbally as well as physically is essential. Understanding how those two elements come together can be a very powerful combination to protecting yourself and others.

This is a large part of Living Life as a Protector...

There are many tactics to gain the advantage verbally. One of the methods that can be used to attain an advantage before you initiate a physical action is called a...


Pattern Interrupt...

It works like this...

We have certain patterns that we typically adhere to when communicating with people, These habits are difficult to break.  Further, if you know what they are, you can intentionally deviate and exploit them.

One of these patterns deals with the way we listen and respond to someone during a conversation.

It is kind of like a game of tennis, I hit the ball to you. You hit the ball back to me. We go back and forth. It develops a rhythm and an expectation that is predictable and can be used to gain a tactical advantage, if you know how to do it right...

Another way of thinking about it is playing fetch w/a dog...

You throw the ball, he runs, picks it up and brings it back to you to throw again. After doing it a couple times he is expecting you to throw it so he can retrieve it over and over... However, this time you pretend to throw it, but instead, you intentionally deceive him by feigning the throw, and secretly drop the ball behind you as you wind up for the throw.

It 'looks' like you threw the ball, so Fido chases what he thinks he sees, but there's no ball... He eventually figures it out, but in the meantime you get a little chuckle...

This verbal/mental trick works the same way...

There is a stimulus / stimulus response reaction that can slow down the physical reaction time allowing you to 'get the jump' on the other person.

We'll be covering a number of these tricks, but for today lets go over two...


Examples of a Pattern Interrupt:

1) Asking a question.
2) Initiating your action mid-sentence.

I. Asking questions is a good way to control the conversation (and gain data too). While the person is thinking about what to say, you can be using that time and distraction to your benefit.


II. Stopping mid...

...Sentence is another good trick to use to gain an advantage.

When we hear someone talk we are listening for their thought to be completed, so if the person talking doesn't complete the sentence, our brains typically hesitate a moment and then try to complete the phrase that was being communicated.

You can use this tendency to your advantage, by initiating your movement mid-sentence. So, while the persons mind is completing your sentence it gives you a split second to initiate your movement, forcing him to shift his gears mentally from the conversation to responding physically.

No, these tricks are not fool-proof, however if you smooth them out by practicing them, they can prove to be a valid way of distracting someone for the brief second that it will take to make your move (or escape).



Keep Going.
~Craig

Get more Tips & Tactics about Living a Protector's Life - Sign up for FREE Newsletter on www.peacewalkersubscribe.com

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

How to Turn Anger Into Acton




Anger, Action & Israel?!


A couple days ago we were talking about Anger. I promised you we'd talk about how to take that anger, focus it the right way and turn it into action. I also asked what Israel had to do with all of that!?
.
Well, we've already determined that when you're Angry, sh*t gets done!  So, let's build on that shall we?! =)


Turning Anger Into Action...


In order to start using your anger... First STOP resisting it!

WHAT?!?

Are you crazy Craig!?  If I do that I'll kill everything that MOVES some days!

Wait a minute... Listen to me first...

Stop resisting the feeling of your angry emotion.

Just because you FEEL something, it doesn't mean you have to act on it! Simply notice how you are feeling without judging it or acting on it... Just be aware of it! Then breath (from your belly) and decide if you need to act on it or not.

Sometimes it is alright (even good) to act on it...

Other times...

It'd be best to let the anger move through you and dissipate w/o any action on your part other than realizing that you're pissed.


How to Recognize the FEELING of Anger?


Although we all feel anger a bit differently, there are some distinct sensations we typically feel in our body...

1) A surge of energy raising from your stomach Upward!
2) It's typically warm or hot.
3) It may cause your face to turn pink or red.
4) An increase of heartbeat, blood pressure and temperature.

It often feels like a wave washing up over you!

How to Control It & Use It

(1) You have to be able to FEEL it!
(2) Let it flow...w/o letting it control you!
      HOW?!
      I. When you feel it just recognize it, relax and BREATHE!
(3) Decide if you're going to (a) use it, or (b) let it go.
(4) Adjust your perspective to:
        (I) Empowered Focus: Think Solutions, What You Can Do, Next Step.
        (II) You're going to start to demonize or dehumanize the other
              person/group/subject, so get ready for it!   
       (III) You're going to over exaggerate your own wants & needs, get ready for
               this too! It's easy to become self centered &overreact, even it out!
       (IV) Focus on Most Good /Least Harm for everyone... 


How Do You Train This Skill?

Simple not easy!!

(1) Start small... Yep, work on feeling and guiding your anger at a lower level. (lower levels of anger are: Frustration, Irritation, Annoyance, Impatience, Irritability, Grumpy, Cranky, etc.)
(2) Meditate - No it's not some weird religion or anything... Just pick a time once per day, sit your butt down (or stand) and for between 5 to 20 minutes just focus your attention on your breath. Breathe in and out and count your breaths (groups of 3 - 5 or 10). Don't think of anything... except counting your breath.
(3) Work on your Foundational Grounding... Basically how your living your life, treating yourself and others.

Tactical Grounding

Here's another quick tactic when you feel Anger creeping up on you...

(1) Take a deep breath or two & Align your spine (straighten up).
(2) Positive mental dialog.(Monitor what that voice in your head says to you)
(3) Put on your "game face". (Look the part when you are interacting w/someone)

So, What Does Israel Have to Do With It?!

Israel has a society that is more inclined for being a Protector's culture. Meaning they are more accustom as a society for taking action and working through their fear to protect not only themselves, but one another.

We are not... So it takes more to work through our social norms that are taught and constantly reinforced...

This is why I teach and have all of the resources available for you!

I'd like to see this Underground Movement go Mainstream!

In order to do this We Need Each Other!

It is very difficult to be peaceful in a violent society. Just like it is difficult to be violent in a society of PeaceWalkers!


Live for Most Good / Least Harm in everything that you do!

Work to have the skills to back it up!


LIVE - PROTECT - INSPIRE!!


And...



Keep Going!
~Craig


Get more Tips & Tactics about Living a Protector's Life - Sign up for FREE Newsletter on www.peacewalkersubscribe.com