Let me be clear, this is ONE WAY to deal with someone who is not doing as you asked...
It is NOT THE ONLY WAY... It is simply one way...
No, it won't magically make someone succumb to your every request, it is just simply clearly communicating expectations and setting boundaries.
Here's the Process!
When you clearly asked something of someone and they agreed to do what you asked, but didn't:
"Based on what we agreed on, my expectation was (say what was agreed upon)."
"However, what happened was (describe what actually happened)."
"So, the impact was (describe how the situation affected not only that person, but if you can, how those actions [or lack of] affected a bigger picture and/or others)."
(LISTEN) Then Say:
"I hear what you're saying. I've had things happen before too. So, let me get this straight (Ask any questions you need to clarify what they said w/o arguing w/them... once they answer then say...)"
"So what you are saying is (reflecting back what they told you...), is that right?
At this time you have to determine how to move forward, but if done right, you opened up the conversation in a way that you can address the situation more clearly.
It's important to stay BASELINE (have a cool head, the right tone and intention) when you are talking to this person.
This will make it easier to get to the bottom of things and better understand how to proceed.
I'll be introducing a number of tips, tricks and tactics on conflict communication skills in preparation for our LIVE On-Line Conflict Communications Course coming in January.
In the meantime, have a great day and...