Conflict is Your Choice

Is there an argument if only one person chooses to argue, rant and rave? We have to remember that conflict is more about deciding what YOU are going to do, how YOU choose to respond and less about what the other person is doing. Yes, a conflict involves a relationship of sorts, however how you choose to engage has more to do with the outcome than most people realize. Too often we enter into a conflict in a heightened state of emotion that tries to make our decision for us regarding how to address the situation. In order to be tactical we have to be in control of our emotions. Be the "eye of the storm" so to speak. Although it is natural to feel emotion, it does not benefit us to let our emotions control us to the point that we are allowing them to make unhealthy or unsafe decisions on our behalf.

Some tips when it comes to conflict:

See Conflict as an Opportunity to learn. At the very least learn from a tactical perspective; learn who or what you are dealing with.

Know what True North is. In order to have the proverbial "moral compass" you have to know where the magnetic North is in order for your "Compass" to work. What is it? In the case of a PeaceWalker, Ethical Warrior or a professional that True North is Life. Period. Choose Life over death. Choose Respect over disrespect. Choose professionalism over not being professional. This is non-conditional. This does not mean let the other person dictate to you what True North is by their actions. True North doesn't change. It remains the same regardless of external events. This also doesn't mean that I will condone or not deal with the negative behavior. It means that I will deal with the negative behavior WHILE keeping True North of choosing life and respecting the person. Simple NOT easy! As a North Dakota Police Officer said, "We treat people like ladies and gentlemen not because THEY always are, but because WE always are."

Be the Eye of the Storm - Control your emotions rather than being controlled by them. Tactical grounding (being grounded now, in the moment) and foundational grounding (keeping your life in balance) are essential. As Charles Swindoll said, "Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it!"

Work toward Most Good / Least Harm for everyone involved. Most good / least harm doesn't always mean no harm. Sometimes casualties are inevitable (emotional, verbal, physical), however doing our best to minimize the damage to the least possible degree and do what is best for all in the big picture, will help to build allies rather than enemies and reduce regrets later.

Share through inspiration: This is a fancy term for walking the walk so to speak. Don't bully people to do what you want. People have a better chance of changing their behavior if they choose to do so, not by you forcing them to change. So, if you are able, share through inspiration, lead by example the best that you can.  This will also help you to create Allies Rather than Enemies which will lend itself to being able to manage people, or groups more effectively with much less effort. In effect, you will help to build a foundation for people being able to manage themselves.

Compliance is better than Chaos - Cooperation is better than Compliance - Collaboration is better than Cooperation - Cohesion is better than Collaboration - Camaraderie is better than Cohesion. The closer the group gets to camaraderie the less management is needed to change the person's behavior, however respect is also needed to move that person along the continuum as well. Without respect cooperation and/or compliance will be the best case scenario regarding changing someones behavior. This takes the most amount of management.

"The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.”

Viktor E. Frankl

All the best,


  1. Great post, Craig! I enjoyed it and keeping grounded is critical, thank you for the opportunities to connect to it!


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