How a Simple NO Changed Everything!
If I didn't say NO to somethings, I wouldn't be able to say YES to others.
Yes and No are important communications devices to have in your conflict communication toolbox as well. Ones that are so simple they are often overlooked.
You'd think that these two innocent sounding words would not be so misused. But we misuse and abuse them often... Way too often!
Let's forget about YES for now and focus on NO. Just a simple no.
It seems easy enough, until you feel uncomfortable saying it. Or you say it and then follow up by a bunch of excuses that negates your intent altogether.
We have been conditioned to be wishy washy. Most of our days are filled with maybe, perhaps, we'll see and other non-committal words and phrases.
Often times when we say no, we feel guilty, when in actuality we should feel emancipated!
A simple NO is liberating when used correctly with the right intent.
Here are some simple varieties that you can use today!
"I appreciate you asking and no."
"I hear that and no."
"You maybe right and no."
"Thanks for asking and no."
"Thanks for asking and I'm not going to be able to do that."
"You might be right about that and no."
"I see that and no."
"I understand and no."
You can replace 'and' with 'but', however if I were you, I'd try using 'and' for a bit. It just feels so different, more definitive. Some might even consider it on the scandalous side at first... In time you'll get used to it. Trust me, It has a much better effect.
The Follow Up...
If you are in forgiving mood, and want to soften your Simple No. If this is the case, try adding:
'If I change my mind I'll let you know."
Here's the Trick...
The trick is to do this in a sincere, light, jovial manner. That's going to take practice trust me! At first it's easy to be defensive and surly with your response... Followed by feelings of selfish guilt.
These feeling can cause you to stumble, stammer, apologize and make unnecessary excuses.
If you do it right, rather than feeling bad, you will feel a sense of freedom and openness. The person will be left in a state of awe that they aren't that clear and they wish they could be. They will also be crystal clear on where you stand... and feel good about you being so open and honest with them.
Practice, Practice, Practice...
A Simple NO takes a lot of practice. It's easy to slip into your old habits!
Give it a try today! It will be difficult and feel weird at first, but after you smooth it out and develop the habit, the results are well worth it!
If you are looking for more strategies for effective conflict communication skills and many more tools to help you create a Protector's Lifestyle, sign up for my [Almost] Daily email. I'll send tips, tricks and tactics directly into your inbox. Register here: https://peacewalkersubscribe.com/
Ok, that's it for now!
Have a good one and...