What Kids Teach Us About Conflict Communication


Masters of Indirect Pressure

Kids know how to use “indirect pressure.” Indirect pressure is a way to follow up with authority, instead of apologetically. Here’s an example of kids applying indirect pressure:
“Daddy, remember when you said the next time we go to the store, I can definitely get a toy? You said that right? You remember you said it, right?”
Before Daddy has time to remember if he actually said that, he’s in the car, on the way to the store.
In a sales environment, this looks a little different, but the concept is the same. In this example, notice the difference between the novice salesperson and the expert salesperson.
If a prospect says they’ll be more available to talk next week, when you call them back don’t say, 

“I just wanted to call you back,” or “I’m just checking in.”

An expert salesman may say something like, 

“Hey, John. You told me to follow up with you this week, so I’m calling to follow up. I’m excited to share with you what I have.”
The novice’s words have an undertone of “not wanting to be a bother”, which comes across as apologetic and weak. The expert’s words are acknowledging the agreement with the prospect and moving the conversation forward with confidence. 
This one skill can be a make or break in your follow up toolbox.
Kids never lose passion for what they want
Children are not afraid to ask directly for what they want because they believe in what they’re asking for. Think about this in your life. It doesn’t matter if there’s a movie you want to see, a job position you want, or a boundary that you need to clarify, if you believe that getting or doing that thing will make your life better in some way, then don't be hesitant to ask for it.
It’s no different when managing conflict.
No matter how stressed you are, once you determine that this situation is worth engaging in, you need to pay attention to what the other person is saying and what is going on. 

You also need to stay sharp and use persuasion to influence: Be it de-escalate, gain compliance or determine that words alone aren't enough to solve the situation at hand. 

It’s not just the words that you use to persuade. Your tone, body language and facial expression are even more important in getting your message across. 

Not to mention, f you don’t believe in the power of your offer in being a most good / least harm solution to the situation, why would the other person?
If you are confident in your solution, there will be no reluctance in asking and going through the process to determine what state the person is in. 

That knowledge will assist you in successfully managing the problem.

The Right Way...

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